What Am I Afraid of?

Some time ago I read writing down your fears supposedly helps you to better handle them. If that sentence sounded a little skeptical it is because  I am. Really tried my best not to get caught up in the self help world but here I am with one major question — how much do my fears control my behaviour? 

Seems like it's pretty hard to talk about fears, living in a fearless generation, where nothing is impossible once you work hard. Fears are somehow taboo, secrets we keep. Question to my fellow millennials am I really supposed to wake up feeling like a ball of positivity every day? Does acting like your fears don't exist make them disappear? Just asking for a friend cause I do not know the answers. Man honestly, I want to learn how to become bestfriends with my fears. Like why can't we  be partners? 

So today I will list my fears to jump-start our new relationship.
p.s I feel like I'm giving out pieces of my soul so if you're reading this appreciate it.

1. At 23 I'm realising how close of a relationship I have with my family and if I could have one superpower. It would be to protect them from the world, from pain, betrayal, hurt...all the bad things. Basically, I would protect the ones I love from life.

2. I suffered from so much loss that it is now a constant worry of mine...What happens if they die? How can they live longer?

3. I fear that if I let people in they will just end up hurting me. Having a deep connection with someone outside of my family feels great and all but because of the way I try to protect the ones I love, it becomes a burden and just leads to heartache. Plus, will I ever get that intensity of love back?

4. I pride myself on my planning skills but by putting way too much focus on what is to come than what is happening at the present moment, It messes up a lot. I fear instability. I fear not knowing what will happen tomorrow and not having a plan.

5. Some days I wake up & I don't feel OK. I get so upset about being 'weak,' pushing myself deeper into my thoughts, searching for answers as to why I am not happy today. I hate that feeling, that absence of strength.

6. Never really been honest with someone about how they hurt me, I just try to forget it & let it go. Instead of confronting my feelings, let them be known, I just look for excuses. If not for myself, for that person. Never allowing them to take responsibility for their actions but just taking it on myself. 

7. Being independent is great but do people around me feel like they are needed. I fear that there will come a time when I will need someone & I won't have anyone. Everyone assumes I am so strong that I almost feel exempt from normal human compassion, sometimes. 

As of right now, this is my list of fears. Reading this list, I can see there might be a lot I am avoiding/losing out on because of my fears and that might manifest into something even more terrifying — regret. Don't know how long this clarity will last but I will commit to reminding myself and being open to talk about em'.

What are some of your biggest fears?
Do you keep them to yourself? Or was the conversation simply never brought up?


  1. The conversation of emotional fears isn't something that I have ever had a conversation about. Usually when my friends and I talk about fears its things like a fear of frogs or dinosaurs. A conversation like this causes you to face yourself and all that you are. Have I ever asked myself what my fear are? Have I ever faced them or do I tuck them under the rug when Im feeling okay?

    I fear people judging me for not following through with goals that I have set out. I fear one day the ideas I have will be executed by someone else. I fear that I will always feel alone even when I get to return home and the thing I fear the most is loving someone who stops loving me to love someone else.

    1. Let's make conversations like this normal,Zoe.

      I get that talking about these things aren't easy so thank you so much for sharing, every word means so much.